38 yer olds are good kisserssss
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
