i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
