my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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