Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
