living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
