My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
