You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize