Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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