Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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