If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
