She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
