cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
don't judge my taste in strippers
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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