I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
