he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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