I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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