i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
