My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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