he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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