Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Randomize
