I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
