apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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