it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
