before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Actions speak louder than pants.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize