I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
