just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
