Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
