Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize