Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
