I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
