At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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