ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
