we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
