I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
