Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
