It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
