i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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