So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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