i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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