I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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