I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
one might say we're banned from that church
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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