I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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