just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
