Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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