sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
