Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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