this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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