Me. At least after what I've been through.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
