I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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