marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
