Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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