my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
