he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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