I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
