actually, I'm a sock model
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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