When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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