69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
