We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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