Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
