Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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