I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
