Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
