Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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