You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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